Wish List

Dear Baby-san,

Once during the deep of winter we had a power outage and all my distractions were not around and I started thinking of the things I want for you.

Here is my wish list:

* That you will have as much fun playing with the box as you do the toy that comes in it.
* Make several friends, have a couple who are like siblings, but never feel like you've got to go with the flow.
* Your eyes will be open to ways that will make people's life a little better, you'll do them, and never feel the need to take credit.
* Laugh often and heartily, but not at the expense of others. Life is full of humor, just look for it.
* Have dreams to revel in. Life is too short to not have flights of fancy.
* That you will know forgiveness, both giving and receiving. We have all sinned and fallen short of what God wants. So cut people some slack, including yourself.
* Walk the balance between using your head, and following your heart. But if you have to err, go with your heart.
* Hold out for the good chocolate, and the good women. Don't corrupt your taste for things of low quality.
* Explore and know the depths of love, God, and advanture.

Love Mom
(Man, does this title still feel weird!)


Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

During the last week of my pregnancy My Sweet and I were talking a lot to the baby. Our monologues went something like this: Mom, “Please do not come this week until my maternity leave starts! Anytime after Friday is OK.” Dad, “Please do not come until after the new camera gets here!”

My Sweet and I had taken a birth class and we learned how to breathe properly to promote relaxation and saw several no holds barred films about natural childbirth, water births, c-section births and just about every type of birth possible. After each viewing My Sweet would say, “This was the lamest B horror movie I’ve ever seen.” Or he’d say, “This was the most boring porn I’ve ever watched.” To which I’d reply, “When have you ever watched porn?” “Um, I was speaking hypothetically, of course Sweetheart.” We were as prepared as anyone who’d never gone through the blessed event could be. We even had our Birth Plan ready: We wanted a midwife at the hospital, a water birth in their big ol’ Jacuzzi, breastfeeding only and no drugs unless I really, really, really, really, really need it. I say what “we” want, but I really mean what “I” want. We would discuss it, but he said it was all about what I wanted and could handle. His role could be likened to an amusement park attendant, he needed to make sure that I kept my hands and feet inside the car at all times and to make sure that a derailment didn’t happen. This included being able to read my mind and know if I really, really, really, really, need the drugs or just really, really need them.

Well, on Monday afternoon, the first day of my maternity leave and two days after the camera came in, I went in for a scheduled check-up and never came out. I called My Sweet and told him it was time, waking him out of a deep sleep, and he called My Dear Sweet Mother giving this detailed account, “It’s time for the hospital,” and hung up.

About 75% of my birth plan had to be ditched, and about 5 hours into everything, I really, really, really, really, REALLY needed the drugs. I had heard Carroll Burnett and Bill Cosby talk about the pain in childbirth, and I think for the sake of comedy they tamed it down a bit. Imagine placing a finger on a railroad track and having it run over while still knowing when it is over you will have to do it again. A friend of mine went through childbirth by clutching the side of the side of the bed and murmuring, “Jesus, be merciful to me.” I was more like, “Jesus, be merciful to me for the terrible things I said about You, your sainted Mother and Your Holy Father. I am truly sorry for shouting out those obscenities. But you were the one who put pain in childbirth, so please take what I said with a generous grain of salt.”



Well, after 24 hours of painful labor, which I will remind him of every moment of his teen years, our son was born, beautiful and handsome. Life will never be the same again.

Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

Hello 'Ya All

Hello ‘Ya All,

Yes I am back. I’d like to say that the pregnancy is the reason that I have gotten out of the discipline of writing. It definitely had something to do with it, in much the same way the flu gets you out of the habit of working out at the gym. You get sick and truly do not have the energy to work out, and then you have a crazy week at work that drains you, and before you know it you are reacquainted with the easy relationship of your sofa and television. Well, I am metaphorically getting off of the couch and back on the writer’s treadmill. But with the end of the writers’ strike TV is actually beginning to be worth watching again (Oh Sawyer how I have missed you, Jake was just a temporary fling!)


Here is something from my pregnancy. (I know, I promised that the blog would not be “All Baby, All the Time”. Well, cut me some slack, hopping on the writing treadmill means posting about what is right in front of me, and right now I have baby on the brain.) Being good first time parents, My Sweet and I dutifully attended a getting ready for childbirth class. In that class they recommended getting a birthing ball, the same as a pliaties/exercise ball, which we went out and bought. I enjoyed sitting on this so much that I seriously thought about bringing it to work. But, I never wanted to be this guy:



Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

Giving Thanks

Hello all of my half dozen readers. I hope you are all basking in the post tryptophan pre-surge on the mall warmth of the season. Don't forget the reason for this. Cicero once said, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues, but the parent of all others." I think it is wise to start the Christmas season remember what we have to be thankful for, not simply scanning the catalogs for what we want and don't have.

Here are a few things I am thankful for:

* Feeling the baby kick every day
* The frosty feel of pre-winter days that will warm up nicely
* A husband who wakes up from a dead sleep to rub my back when morning sickness hits
* Family - both biological and chosen
* God's intimacy
* belly laughing

What are you grateful for? This list can never be too long or too trivial.

Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

East Weds West

My Sweet's family is not one that follows tradition. If it were, I am sure he would have ended up marrying some nice Japanese girl-next-door. His sister's wedding was an interesting combination of East meets West. She did not wear a wedding kimono, but did change dresses half way through (it is usual for the bride to wear a kimono and then change into two different Western dresses during the reception) giving her uncle the honor of escorting her to the changing room.

We started in a room with just family, bride's on the right side and groom's on the left with everyone in a particular seating order. Then each member is formally introduced individually by the father. There was lots of bowing and nary a smile cracked by anyone. Then we file into the hotel chapel which included an American pastor (My Sweet's family is not Christian) who spoke in Japanese for everything except praying. Then he shifted from a gentle "We are gathered here today..." to a deep booming "Our Heavenly Father who granteth all..." Ok, I can understand that the booming voice is part of the show (though I do not think my giggles helped), but why in English? It was not like they were in any way long or extemporanious! Oh well, I did not get a chance to ask him because he has 4 other ceremonies to preside over. But we ended the service with "What a Friend We Have in Jesus", which I found out later was a well known hymn in Japan. This song has always struck me as a bit somber for a wedding - forfeited joys and needles pains bared and all. I just pray that people who sang it will at sometime contemplate the words.

The reception had a fabulous six course meal, and my sister-in-law read the "Letter to the Parents" thanking her parents for many things that My Sweet was unable to translate. When she spoke about their late father and the regrets she had, she totally lost it. Then the bride and groom walked around the room with all parents, and the groom welcomed the bride's family as part of his family.

Of course there was the cutting of the wedding cake. But my sister-in-law did something special. After that was done, they brought out another cake for My Sweet and I to cut. You see, we never did anything official in Japan for our wedding, and because of different issues, none of his family was able to attend our wedding in America. I was totally choked up by her planning to include us on her special day. Waterproof mascara my Aunt Fanny!

One last thing - all the women in the bridal party got their hair and makeup done by the pros. Here is a telling difference between uber-polite Japan and America. When I sat down in the chair, the gal working on me said, "I like the color of your hair." Now four days earlier when I got my hair cut at home, my hairdresser watched me come in and sighed, "You colored your own hair again. You're not going to Japan like that, are you?" Here in Japan I had at one point 5 people working on me! In the end I looked like a dolled up Barbara Jean Heart from the TV show Reba. It was fun for a party. But I did notice one thing. The more makeup they applied to me, the older I looked. This is great when you are 16 and want to look like you are in your 20's. But really, when you're 40 and people tell you that you look 30, you don't want to look 45. By the way, thanks for the great genes Mom. The more make up you wear, the more people assume you have something to cover up. In the end I looked like a gal ready for a good time. Which I was!

Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

Land of The Rising Sun

Well, My Sweet and I have come to Japan for my sister-in-law's wedding. I have just a few comments about the incredibly long plane ride over here. First of all the baby did not make me throw up, but I think this speaks more to the quality of the airline food than to anything else. Secondly it was pleasing to see airline attendants of all shapes, sizes, ages, and masculinities. Thirdly, I must be getting hormonal. I gave a deep "Oh my" as I watched the bitter sweet love story Away From Her where two people make the most selfless sacrifices for the person they love. But man I really lost it in the next movie a few hours later. When everyone finally saw that Steve Carell (sniff, sniff) was right about the coming flood and that they needed to get their bleeping behinds on the ark before they were swept away, I cried a river!

Here are a few things I was thinking as we traveled through Tokyo from the airport to Super Swank hotel where the wedding weekend was going on. First of all I knew I was in Japan when I saw a grown woman with her green Snoopie embossed Sampsonite. Also at the airport there were hoards of begloved taxi drivers in suits and standing patiently inside the terminal (no one descending upon the new arrivals, nor are they jockeying to cut in front of someone else. Also, drivers multi task here just as dangerously as we do at home - for example there was the businessman I saw texting, drinking something from Starbucks and driving in the rain. And I do not know if this intentional or not, but just outside the airport is the First Wood Hotel, followed by the Rainbow Hotel, and finally was a very purple and pink hotel or apartment building.

One last first impression. If you watched the movie Lost in Translation, you know Japanese LOVE to have Western stars hawk their goods. Today I saw though guy Tommy Lee Jones on a billboard for a coffee company. The name Boss Coffee works for me, but the fact that it is a Rainbow Blend does not do for Mr. This-is-my-happy-face.

Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

The Stein Way

My Dear Sweet Mother forwarded this email to me, and it made me go "Humm", and maybe it will you, too. Much of it was written by Mr. Stein, and some was written by someone else (thanks doodah!). It does make me go Humm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If they know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney who knows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to sway juries and make people think clearly.
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are:Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something lik e this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government
and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?" (She said the same thing when interviewed after 9-11)

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide).
We said an expert should know what he's talking about.
And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their
classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe,
or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards. honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein


Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

The Purest Artform

One of the things about throwing up every other evening (I haven't mentioned this in like a whole post yet, I think I must be getting better), I have been watching more mindless TV. The other night My Sweet and I watched a hilariously serious documentary called Air Guitar Nation. Every year a college town in Finland holds the World's Airguitar Championship.

These are the rules for entering this contest: The artist's instrument must be INVISIBLE.
There you have it. Everything else is a go.
But what makes a winner, you may be asking. Well, I will tell you.
* These young men and women must dig deep into their soul to discover and show their Airness.
* They must realize that air guitar is the last pure art form.
* Someone may steal your guitar, but they can never steal your air.

Check out the first ever American competitor - C-Diddy - as he performs in the US East Coast semifinals.


Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

Fall is in the Air

Most people mark the beginning of Fall with the start of school. Where I work school begins in the middle of August, so that has stopped being the door to life's greatest season. But about a week ago I noticed that each I needed to change the temperature gage in my car from as way cold as possible to cool. Now it is on warm. Fall is here! (Que music) "It's the most wonderful time of the year". "Shorts worn with swearters, and fresh crispy apples, cider, hot chocolate and fun pumpkin patches, bright colored tree leaves in which a bird sings, these are a few of my favorite things".

And I think this weekend I will have to do my ceremonial "putting away of the Birkenstalks". Yes, they are to be boxed away until next May. Huge Sigh!

I mentioned school earlier, and I just have to share an extreme example of teenage melodrama. Hopefully you parents will sigh with relief knowing that your kids really are pretty well adjusted.

We got a new student this year who can be incredibly charming, but is also a bit of a hothead. The reason he did not come to our school last year is that his ex-girlfriend was our student, and her family took out a restraining order against him. Well, on Friday the ex-girlfriend came by our and when she walked by my window I practically had to sit on him to stop him from yelling obscenities out the window. Then one girl in another class, who swears that she is tired of "all the drama" yet can't seem to keep her cute little nose out of any of it, texts my student's current girlfriend (who at one point last year got pissed and beat up a car) who promptly calls my student on cell phones, which are supposed to be turned off, and yell at him for being near "that hussy". My student goes ballistic, leaves class and just Tiggers right over the fence! At this point we call the cops, his parole officer and both sets of parents to let them know what is going on. My student ends up spending the weekend in the pokey. I have this image of my student and his girlfriend being a hot blooded couple hitting each other over the head with frying pans one minute and passionately making out the next. It makes for great TV stories, but terrible family life.

On a lighter note, I hope everyone enjoyed National Talk Like A Pirate Day, matie.

Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!

Projects Done

Well, I said that this isn’t going to make this an All-Baby-All-The-Time blog. However I wanted to share this with you because I am quite proud of it. The baby bootie is my first 3-D crochet project. You see, my friends think that I am a real wiz with the hook, but I really have only a few things I do pretty well, mostly scarves and afghans (which are in a way big scarves). Plus I can talk a good game so it is not too hard to bluff my way around. Fortunately one of the things I can do is read a pattern, so with some patience and time spent not throwing up, I was able to puzzle this out.

Now as you can see, there is only one bootie. This is because I did do a few other things last weekend. Friday was the annual My Town Holiday, which My Sweet and I decided to celebrate once the heat came down. Man, there were some people doing some scrounging around out there. I bet those things will show up at some nearby flea market pretty soon. More power to them – they were working much harder than I want to on a holiday. Amongst the cute bowls and slightly scratched plant stands, I found two jewels that I can not believe someone didn't find room to take with them. They are, get this, Lord of the Rings Monopoly (missing only missing the special Ring playing piece), and end of second season of Lost jigsaw puzzle. Can you believe it!?! Me neither! My Sweet and I spent a good chunk of the weekend putting the puzzle together. That is when I wasn’t in the bathroom experiencing the “pains in childbearing”.

I actually wrote the article last Sunday, and would have posted it then except for one little thing. Since hooking up with My Sweet, a professional and recreational computer type of guy, I can become more and more computer retarded. I could not figure out how to suck the pictures from the camera to the computer to where I can upload it. Not that I am mentally too incompetent to figure it out. It is just so much easier to have him do it –zip, zip, zip. Several years ago the first of my friends got married. Over coffee one morning she told me, “It’s funny, since getting married Ivan has forgotten where the kitchen is and I can no longer lift anything over ten pounds.” This coming from an extremely independent woman whose favorite verb tense is the imperative (that is the technical term for giving a command for all the non English geeks out there). Hopefully I will be able to over come this significant-other-can-do-it-easier-it is. But for now I am just trying to overcome the feeling of nauseousness. (Have I mentioned throwing up yet?) Do you know I have actually lost some weight! I can hardly weight until going to the all you can eat Korean BBQ will pay off.


Joie de Vivre ~ A Hearty Joy of Living!